Act 1 Scene 1 of Richard III (paraphrased)

Richard:

Now all of my family’s issues have ceased, thanks to my brother, King Edward IV. All the threats to the York family have disappeared and brought new hope. Now our heads are adorned the wreaths of victory. We’ve rid ourselves of our weapons and hung them up as they are of no use. Instead of hearing battle calls, we dance at lavish parties. Our faces are no longer grim due to strife. Instead of riding our horses to strike down enemies, we entertain our women in their bed chambers, to the sensual songs of the lute. But I’m not a ladies’ man, nor do I constantly please my eyes with my own visage in mirrors. I am deformed and don’t have the looks to charm lustful women. I’ve been robbed of any chance of a pleasing physique and face, or even normal body parts. I am misshapen, forced out from my mother’s womb to early and so ugly that dogs bark at me as I hobble by them. I’m left idle in this weak, peacetime, unless I want to look at my grotesque shadow in the sun and croon about that.

Since I can’t entertain myself by being a lover, I’ve decided to become a villain. I’ve set risky schemes into motion, using cunning, drunken prophecies, and made up stories about dreams to set my brothers against each other. If King Edward is as honest and impartial as I am devious and vicious, then Clarence is going to be locked away in prison today because of a prophecy that some non-existent entity named “G” will murder Edward’s children. Oh, time to keep quiet—here comes Clarence himself.

(Clarence enters surrounded by guards and Brakenbury)

Good afternoon brother, why are surrounded by armed guards?

Clarence:

His majesty is so worried for my well being, he has ordered them to ‘escort’ me to the Tower.

Richard:

He’s arresting you? Why?

Clarence:

Because my name is George.

Richard:

That’s not your fault! He should imprison who named you on that reasoning. Maybe the King is sending you to the Tower to have you renamed. But, really, what’s going on, Clarence? Can you at least tell me that?

Clarence:

I’ll tell you as soon as I actually know something, Richard, because at this point I have not even the foggiest. All I’ve been able to find out is that our brother the king has been heeding to the words of prophecies and visions. He picked out the letter “G” from the alphabet and said a wizard told him that “G” will steal his children’s throne. He thinks “G” is me. I’ve learned that because of this, along with other idiotic reasons like it, is why the king is sending me to prison.

Richard:

Well, this is what happens when men let themselves be governed by the whims of their women. The king isn’t the one responsible for sending you to the Tower, Clarence. It’s his wife, Lady Grey, who convinced him to do this. Remember how she and her brother, Anthony Woodeville, made him send Lord Hastings to the Tower? Hastings was just released. We’re not safe, Clarence, we’re not safe.

Clarence:

By God, I think the only people who are safe are the queen’s own family and the late-night runners the king uses to bring his mistress, Mistress Shore. Did you hear how Lord Hastings had to grovel before the queen to be freed?

Richard:

Hastings got his freedom by begging to that false idol. And I’ll tell you what. If we want to gain favour with the king, we’re going have to act like the mistress’s retainers. Ever since our brother made them gentlewomen, Mistress Shore and the queen have become mighty pests in our kingdom.

Brakenbury:

I beg your pardon, my lords, but the king gave me orders that no one, however high up in the hierarchy, should speak privately to Clarence.

Richard:

Alright. If you want to, Brakenbury, you can listen in on the conversation. We’re not plotting anything treasonous, man. We’re simply saying the king is wise and respectable, and his noble queen is getting old, appealing, and not jealous. And that Shore’s wife has nice feet, cherry lips, pretty eyes, and a very ‘pleasing’ way of expressing herself. And, finally, that the queen’s kin have all been elevated in social status. What do you think? Is there anything wrong with what we have to say?

Brakenbury:

I have nothing to do with what you’re speaking of, my lord.

Richard:

“Nothing to do” with Lady Shore! I’m telling you, sir, there’s only one man who gets to do “nothing,” with her and not be penalized for it. Everyone else had better keep their “nothings” to themselves.

Brakenbury:

Who would that be? My lord.

Richard:

Her husband, of course, you’re going to get me in trouble.

Brakenbury:

I request, your highness to pardon me, could you please stop talking to Clarence.

Clarence:

We know you’ve got work to do Brakenbury, we’ll be done now.

Richard:

We have to serve he queen don’t we? Goodbye brother. I will confront my brother and do what you wish, even call his wife “sister” to get you your freedom. Keep in my, I am quite enraged about how our own brother has treated you, more enraged than you can possibly comprehend.

Clarence:

It doesn’t make me happy either.

Richard:

Your imprisonment will be short-lived; I will either rick my brother into releasing you. Or replace you in that cell, be patient.

Clarence:

I don’t have a choice. Goodbye.

(Clarence, Brakenbury and the guards leave)

Richard:

Go walk the road that leads to no return. Foolish and trustworthy Clarence. I ‘love’ you so much that I’ll send your soul to heaven if heaven will accept anything that I give, that is. But who’s that?  The recently released Hastings?

(Hastings enters)

Hastings;

Good evening, my good lord!

Richard:

Likewise my lord! Welcome back to open air. How did you deal with prison?

Hastings:

With patience, noble lord, after all I was a prisoner. But I can show my gratitude to those who sent me.

Richard:

I’m sure, I’m sure. Clarence will to. You share common enemies and they have an advantage over you two.

Hastings;

It’s a shame that we the eagles are caged, while the vultures do whatever they see fit.

Richard:

Any new information from abroad?

Hastings;

No information as worse as what we have home. The king is ill, weak and depressed, the doctors fear for his life.

Richard:

Now, by George, that’s horrible news. The king has abused his body with bad habits for too long, and it’s finally taking its toll on him, how depressing. Where is he, bedridden?

 Hastings;

Yes.

Richard:

Go I will follow you.

(Hastings exits)

I hope the king dies. But he’d better not die till Clarence is sent to heaven. I’ll visit the king and, with some cunning on my part, have him hate Clarence even more than he already does. If my plan succeeds, Clarence dies today. Then God’s free to collect King Edward to, and leave me the world to run around in! I’ll marry the earl of Warwick’s youngest daughter, Lady Anne. Yes I did kill her husband and her father. Although the best way to make up for the girl’s losses is to become what she’s lost: a husband and a father. So I’ll take that place, not because I love her but because I’ll get something out of it. But I’m running ahead of myself. Clarence is still alive; Edward is not only alive, he’s king. Only when they’re dead and gone can I start to count my achievements.